Miranda - Series 4, Episode 1
by such fun
Summary: Miranda's back and trying to make the best of things...
1. Chapter 1

**Series 4, Episode 1**

**MIRANDA'S SITTING ROOM**

MIRANDA IS ALONE IN HER FLAT, TALKING TO THE AUDIENCE.

**MIRANDA**

There you are. Do come and join, what do you mean; you're waiting for the kettle to boil? Rude. Alright, I'll wait. Actually, no I won't. You'll have to catch up later on iPlayer.

So last time we were together it was quite a tumultuous day in my life; good word, tumultuous; tumultuous, yes, I'll stop now. Where was I? Oh yes; so I'd tried to leave and start a new life far, far away... Oh Chewbacca, let me stroke your thick, thick fur... Sorry. Sorry. Where was I? Yes, leaving. I didn't succeed, Gary came running after me and for a few hours I was deceived by his apparent concern and love for me. Yes, really. Then Mike returned and proposed. So Gary proposed too; and it turned into a bit of a circus. But it wasn't to be. I couldn't return Mike's feelings and I wasn't sure of Gary's. I know; it's very sad, but Gary's heart was only half there, and I need more than that. I deserve more than that. Thank you. So Mike's gone and Gary and I have decided to just be friends. Again.

That was a month ago and things are ok. They're not great, but they're ok. Life goes on, doesn't it? Well, I believe that; my mother doesn't, she's been unbearable. She was furious with me for not accepting either Mike or Gary and at first refused to talk to me. Then she realised that was hardly a punishment and has since taken to popping round four times a day to tell me I've made a huge mistake and to inform me that Benji is also still single. I really don't need to be kept informed about that.

In other news, Tilly and Charlie's wedding is fast approaching. Stevie and I are maids of honour, and both wearing the most revolting orange satin dresses you've ever seen; it's like she lifted them directly from a 1980's Kay's Catalogue. We tried to fight against it, but we failed miserably and even managed to incur the added atrocity of having to manage Tilly's three revolting toddler cousins who are bridesmaids. Joy.

Right, must be nearly lunch time, I'm off to the restaurant.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

**AT THE RESTAURANT**

MIRANDA ENTERS AND SITS HERSELF DOWN AT THE BAR NEXT TO A COUPLE WHO ARE ENJOYING A QUIET DRINK AND ARE NOT TOO HAPPY TO HAVE MIRANDA'S COMPANY IMPOSED UPON THEM.

GARY ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN. HE SEEMS STRESSED AND ANXIOUS BUT WHEN HE LOOKS UP AND SEES MIRANDA SITTING THERE, HIS EPXRESSION IMMEDIATELY CLEARS AND HE SMILES AT HER WARMLY.

**GARY**

Want some lunch Miranda? The special is lasagne.

**MIRANDA**

Lovely, thanks Gary; I love you... err your... yes, your lasagne.

GARY SMILES AND EXITS TO THE KITCHEN. MIRANDA TURNS TO THE COUPLE NEXT TO HER WHO HAVE HEARD THE EXCHANGE BETWEEN HER AND GARY.

**MIRANDA**

I think I covered that up alright; but how embarrassing.

**WOMAN**

There's nothing wrong with telling your boyfriend you love him. I tell Sebastian all the time.

**MIRANDA**

Oh no, Gary's not my boyfriend. Not anymore; and not ever really, well, for about an hour...

**WOMAN**

(CUTTING IN) I see. Then, yes, that was embarrassing.

THE WOMAN TURNS AWAY FROM MIRANDA AGAIN.

**MIRANDA**

Thanks.

TILLY AND CHARLIE ENTER THE RESTAURANT.

MIRANDA WAVES TO THEM AND THEY COME OVER TO HER.

**TILLY**

Miranda, I was coming to see you next. This is a bit awkward.

**CHARLIE**

Shall I be on my way snuzzle-chops? Let you have some girl chat?

**TILLY**

Ya. Ok mushy-pops. See you at Mummy's later for a run through of the vows.

CHARLIE EXITS.

**MIRANDA**

Spit it out then, what's awkward?

**TILLY**

I was coming to see Gary… I need to know who you guys are bringing as your…. well… as your 'plus ones'. You wouldn't believe the intricate details involved in table planning; totally stressing.

**MIRANDA**

It's not awkward Tilly, honestly, Gary and I are friends; he can bring whoever he likes.

**TILLY**

Really?

**MIRANDA**

Really.

GARY ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN WITH LASAGNE FOR MIRANDA.

**GARY**

Hi Tilly; want some lunch?

**TILLY**

Oh no thanks Gary, I had some the day before yesterday. Need to fit into the dress!

**GARY**

How about a latte?

**TILLY**

A hundred and thirty seven point three calories Gary! And that's with skimmed!

**GARY**

A glass of water?

**TILLY**

That's very sweet, but I don't want to bloat up. I just came to find out who you're bringing as your guest for the wedding.

**GARY**

Oh. Erm, well…

**TILLY**

It's totally ok if you want to bring someone as 'a friend'.

TILLY NUDGES MIRANDA WHO GIVES HER AN EXASPERATED LOOK.

**GARY**

Oh, sure. I was going to do that actually.

**TILLY**

So I'll put you and Miranda down as a pair then. Great.

**GARY**

No! I mean; sorry, Miranda and I are friends, obviously… best friends… but I'm already bringing someone else.

BOTH TILLY AND MIRANDA STARE AT GARY.

**TILLY**

So who are you bringing Gary?

**GARY**

Stevie. She asked me. Is that ok?

MIRANDA IS SHOCKED, BUT RECOVERS QUICKLY.

**MIRANDA**

That's fine, because I'm actually bringing a friend too.

**GARY**

Really? Who?

**MIRANDA**

Just an old friend; ran into him a few days ago. Oh, look at the time, must go.

MIRANDA, IN HER HASTE, FALLS OFF THE BAR STOOL. SHE PICKS HERSELF UP AND BEFORE SHE CAN BE ASKED ANY MORE QUESTIONS, RUNS OUT OF THE RESTAURANT, TILLY CALLING AFTER HER.

**TILLY**

I need his name Kong, for the table plan, what's his name?

GARY, LOOKING ANNOYED, EXITS TO THE KITCHEN.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

**AT THE SHOP**

STEVIE IS DUSTING SOME COMEDY BREASTS AS MIRANDA ENTERS.

**MIRANDA**

Stevie, I thought you were my friend, how could you?

**STEVIE**

I don't know what you're on about,

So take a seat and spit it out.

**MIRANDA**

And please stop talking in rhyming couplets; it's very annoying.

**STEVIE**

Simple poems make you cross,

Because your brain is full of moss.

**MIRANDA**

Stevie! Stop it!

**STEVIE**

My rhyming gifts are heaven sent,

And I gave up normal speech for Lent.

**MIRANDA**

Fine. But why on Earth are you going as Gary's date to the wedding? You know what he means to me.

**STEVIE**

Oh, I see, but it's not treason,

I had a very noble reason.

**MIRANDA **

A noble reason?

**STEVIE**

Tilly's friends were having lunch,

They really are a desperate bunch.

**MIRANDA**

And?

**STEVIE**

One was just about to ask,

Gary to perform the task.

Of escorting her to Tilly's wedding,

And a shopping trip to Reading.

**MIRANDA**

Oh. Oh, I see. You asked him so he wouldn't have to go with one of Tilly's friends. OK, that's a bit better. But I'm still cross, Stevie, now I've had to make up a completely fictional person to take me! Where am I going to find someone?

**STEVIE**

Your cousin Benji might be free,

Shall I phone him up to see?

**MIRANDA**

No! I'm going to bed.

**STEVIE**

It's only half past one Miranda,

We'll take our tea on the veranda.

Nothing much rhymes with your name,

Have you thought of changing it to Jane?

MIRANDA GIVES STEVIE A WITHERING LOOK AND STOMPS UPSTAIRS TO THE FLAT.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

**AT THE FLAT**

MIRANDA IS SITTING ON THE SOFA LOOKING DEPRESSED.

**MIRANDA**

Oh, hello... I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.

MIRANDA GETS UP AND GOES TO THE FREEZER. SHE REMOVES AN ENTIRE VIENETTA ICE CREAM GATEAUX, CUTS A VERY SMALL SLICE THEN PUTS THE VERY SMALL SLICE BACK IN THE BOX AND THE REST OF IT IN A LARGE MIXING BOWL. SHE GETS A SPOON THEN GOES BACK TO THE SOFA AND STARTS TO EAT THE ICE CREAM.

**MIRANDA**

I mean; why can't anything go right? Now, not only is Stevie going with Gary to the wedding, but I've made things doubly complicated by pretending I've got a date with no chance whatsoever of finding a date. And you know how news travels...

PENNY ENTERS LOOKING DELIGHTED.

**PENNY**

Darling! I just heard from Tilly that you've got a date for the wedding; I am, what I call, ecstatic!

**MIRANDA**

Oh, Mum, please don't...

**PENNY**

I must admit, I'd rather lost hope after you turned down both Mike and Gary... but now... oh, I would hug you, but I've just showered. Must dash!

PENNY EXITS. MIRANDA GOES BACK TO EATING THE ICE CREAM. SHE ACCIDENTALLY SLOPS A GREAT DEAL OF IT DOWN HER FRONT.

MIRANDA IS JUST MOPPING UP THE ICE CREAM WHEN THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.

**MIRANDA**

Coming!

MIRANDA OPENS THE DOOR. STANDING IN FRONT HER IS POSSIBLY THE MOST GORGEOUS MAN SHE HAS EVER SEEN; SIX FOOT FIVE, BROWN HAIR, BLUE EYES, CLEAN SHAVEN AND REAKING OF THE MOST INTOXICATINGLY DELICIOUS AFTER SHAVE MIRANDA HAS EVER SMELT.

**MIRANDA**

Ooh... hello.

**DAVID**

Miranda, how lovely to see you; you haven't changed at bit!

MIRANDA SWOONS AND FAINTS. DAVID IMMEDIATELY KNEELS DOWN NEXT TO HER AND FANS HER WITH HIS COPY OF THE TIMES NEWSPAPER.

MIRANDA COMES ROUND, NOT SO MUCH FROM THE GENTLE FANNING, BUT MORE FROM DAVID'S AFTER SHAVE.

**MIRANDA**

Ooh... hello.

**DAVID**

Are you alright Miranda?

MIRANDA SCRAMBLES TO HER FEET AND TRIES TO LOOK DIGNIFIED. BUT THIS IS QUITE DIFFICULT BECAUSE SHE IS COVERED IN ICE CREAM.

**MIRANDA**

Yes, yes, I'm fine... I'm sorry; have we met?

**DAVID**

You don't remember me, Miranda? It's true I've changed a bit since we last met; I had a late spurt of growth, finally got rid of my braces and spots about ten years ago, and getting a proper job at my father's company meant I had to get my hair chopped and buy a few nice suits! It's me; David!


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

**AT THE FLAT**

MIRANDA STARES AT DAVID, UNABLE TO BELIEVE HER EYES. SHE NOW REMEMBERS WHO HE IS; A GOOD FRIEND FROM UNIVERSITY. SHE AND GARY AND DAVID HAD BEEN INSEPERABLE. BUT DAVID WASN'T LYING WHEN HE'D SAID HE'D GROWN, HE HAD BEEN 5'8 AT UNIVERSITY AND COVERED IN SPOTS.

IN THEIR LAST YEAR AT UNIVERSITY, THEY'D GROWN APART AND TAKEN DIFFERENT CLASSES. ALSO, THERE HAD BEEN SOME FRICTION BETWEEN DAVID AND GARY AND DAVID HAD MADE FRIENDS WITH OTHER STUDENTS IN HIS CLASSES.

**MIRANDA**

Oh my goodness! David! Wow. Wow. Are you married? Sorry, I mean, how are you?

**DAVID**

Great, really great. I'm down for a month on business and I just had to catch up with you. I didn't realise how much I'd missed you until I knew I'd see you again.

**MIRANDA**

Gosh. Well, come in. Would you like a cup of tea. And, err. _Are_ you married?

**DAVID**

No; free and single. How about you?

**MIRANDA**

Yes, me too. It's great, isn't it?

**DAVID**

Not really.

**MIRANDA**

No, it's awful. Well, most of the time it's fine. But then there are things that require you to have a plus one and then it's a problem. Especially when your best friend deserts you to go with your other best friend... sorry, I'm rambling.

**DAVID**

I know exactly what you mean. And my mother's always on my back.

**MIRANDA**

Oh me too. She never stops trying to marry me off.

**DAVID**

So is there an event that you need a plus one for? I could be him.

**MIRANDA**

I could kiss you. Sorry. Yes, there is one, my friend Tilly's getting married, and Gary, you remember Gary? He's going with Stevie.

DAVID'S FACE CLOUDS OVER MOMENTARILY.

**DAVID**

Gary's here?

**MIRANDA**

Are you ok, David?

**DAVID**

Yes, I'm fine. I guess I should call by and see Gary, clear the air. Does he live nearby?

**MIRANDA **

Yes, and he runs the restaurant next door. But could I ask you a favour?

**DAVID**

Sure, name it.

**MIRANDA**

I may have lied slightly about meeting an old friend who was going to accompany me to the wedding. But since we're going together, would you mind not mentioning that we've only just arranged it?

**DAVID**

No problem. And Miranda... It really is great to see you again. There's a lot I need to tell you.


	6. Chapter 6 - part 1

**CHAPTER 6**

**LATER AT THE SHOP**

MIRANDA GALLOPS DOWN THE STAIRS, ALMOST FALLING, IN HER HASTE TO FIND STEVIE. SHE HAS WASHED HER HAIR AND CHANGED OUT OF HER ICE CREAM COVERED CLOTHES INTO A NICE DRESS.

**MIRANDA**

Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! Stevie!

**STEVIE**

Miranda! What a nice surprise,

In a lovely dress that hides your thighs.

**MIRANDA**

Does it? Oh, but never mind that. I have. Huge! News!

**STEVIE**

Ok, but just before you start

I've taken your concerns to heart

I should not have asked your true love Gary

To be my date when Tilly marries.

**MIRANDA**

Thank you for saying that Stevie, but it's ok, you can go with Gary.

**STEVIE**

I've already emailed him

And asked if he can please pop in.

GARY ENTERS THE SHOP. HE HAS BROUGHT A PLATE OF MUFFINS WITH HIM. MIRANDA'S EYES LIGHT UP. GARY SEES THIS AND OFFERS THEM TO MIRANDA.

**GARY**

Just out the oven.

**MIRANDA**

Ooh, lovely, thanks Gary.

**GARY**

You asked me to come over, Stevie, is everything ok?

**To be continued...**


End file.
